Under Section 377 of the Indian Penal Code, homosexual intercourse is a criminal offence.
I'm sorry, what?
No one has the authority or the right to tell me who I can fall in love with, sleep with, or raise children with. Absolutely no one. You argue endlessly against homosexuality, stubbornly set in your imperialistic, archaic ways, but all you're really doing is proving your lack of compassion and common sense.
Let's address some common questions and concerns, shall we?
1. "Homosexuality is wrong. Every holy book says so. Homosexuals will burn in Hell."
Look, even if the Bible/Quran/other religious text said "And God said unto him : I don't really care, man, it's all good... Just be a decent human being", there is bound to be someone out there running around convincing people that God was being sarcastic. My point is this - everything is open to interpretation.
Don't use religion as an excuse to hate a group of people.
I know a Muslim man who puts other Muslim men to shame. He prays five times a day, he performs his religious and social duties, he is a good, kind, and decent human being. He is also gay. This is what he has to say :
"Allah (swt) knows that I am a good person. I have a good relationship with my maker, and after years of troubled thoughts and self-doubt, I now know that all that matters is who I am as an individual, not who I choose to love. If I am wrong, Allah (swt) will judge me, but no human being, no matter his or her position, may do so. I am a good Muslim, I am a good human being, and I am gay."
Faith is private. It is between you and God. If you don't approve of homosexuality, don't engage in it - it's as simple as that. But know this - hating a group of people simply because you think God wants you to, or because you think you're "saving" them from eternal damnation, is not okay. Under no circumstances is it acceptable to tell a homosexual man or woman that they are not "worthy of God's love" simply because you think so. You've never spoke to or seen God - for all you know, he/she/it thinks you're an idiot.
Every religion teaches love and compassion. You are more likely to burn in Hell than any homosexual individual, for that all-consuming hatred you carry around. If God wants to judge people, God will judge people on his/her/its own terms. How people live their lives, who they love, and what they do in the privacy of their bedrooms is none of your business. Live and let live, and stop the hate.
2. "I'm a homophobe. I'm genuinely, sincerely afraid. I'm sure they're nice people, but it freaks me out."
If you're afraid of the ocean, don't swim in it. You can, however, still help conserve it, protect it, and protest against its destruction. Same rules apply to the LGBT community. None of them are going to try and take advantage of you simply because you support their rights. Get over yourself, and go make a difference.
3. "I think homosexuality is wrong because religion/personal experience/personal belief/I-don't-know-why."
Stop misinterpreting religious teachings (see point 1). Also, get over it. You are not a perfect human being, and you never will be. Mind your own business, and stop judging other people just because they're different from you. Past experiences and personal belief systems play a big role, but there is one key point a lot of folks seem to miss - people from the LGBT community are human beings, like everyone else. Homosexuality is not new, and it is definitely not "against nature". Hundreds of mammals, birds, insects, reptiles, fish, and even spiders engage in same-sex sexual activity (Bruce Bagemihl, 1999).
Don't use "science" as an excuse to hate a group of people.
If you still don't want to support basic human rights (of the LGBT community), the least you can do is lock yourself away and maybe do some reading while the rest of us fight for their rights. I recommend 'Homosexual Behaviour in Animals: An Evolutionary Perspective' (2006, ed. Volker Sommer and Paul L. Vasey).
4. "You will burn in Hell because you support something so wrong and unnatural."
Save me a seat, will you?
5. "I hate religious people/straight homophobes/anybody who doesn't support my rights"
The whole live-and-let-live applies to you, too. If people hate you for what you are or who you are, let them deal with it - it's their problem, their metaphorical cross to bear.
Don't use your personal situation as an excuse to hate a group of people.
Rise above, and move on. Every individual is different, they are shaped by different experiences and beliefs. You cannot, no matter how hard you try, make an entire population change what they believe in or the way they think. Let it go. Change is a process, not an event. It took the human race several generations to realise that racism is wrong, but even today, people are racist, callous, and insensitive. Hating them is not going to do you any favours. Ignore them. Resist the urge to "educate" them. Realise that you are as flawed as they are, in your own way...and move on.
tl;dr -
* Faith is personal. Stop using yours to hate on people. No exceptions.
* People should be able to love whomever they want to without being judged.
* There is scientific documentation of homosexuality in hundreds of species.
* Homophobia exists in only one
* Live and let live - mind your own business.
* Be nice to people, irrespective of what they believe in.
* Change is inevitable.
It will take time. Be patient. Fight, be heard, and never give up.
We may not see results now, but it is our responsibility - and our privilege - to ensure a better, kinder life for future generations.
Friday, 20 December 2013
Thursday, 19 December 2013
It's Not Easy
Disclaimer : This post is very revealing. It is written for an emotionally and mentally mature audience. It is written to help me understand, accept, and deal with issues that I hate talking about, because writing is easier. It is meant to help people dealing with issues of their own.
Over the past couple of months, I've put on a significant amount of weight.
Usually, weight gain results from one of two things (or a combination of both) - either you're eating too much, or not enough, or not the right kinds of foods, OR you're not getting enough exercise or the right kind of exercise.
That's where it got confusing.
My husband and I eat healthy, whole foods. We like our fresh fruits and vegetables, whole grains, lean meats and fish. We stay away from processed foods as much as possible. Both of us love cooking, and can spend hours in the kitchen making things "from scratch", so we are very aware of what we eat. We bake often, but everything we eat is portion-controlled. In addition, I do an hour of very tiring yoga everyday, religiously practise (Bharatanatyam - Indian classical) dance, and walk around the neighbourhood whenever I can (primarily to stalk the cats that live in this area, but you get the idea).
So I didn't know what I was doing wrong. I'm a tiny person - just under 5 feet - and naturally curvy, so even the smallest bit of weight gain shows on my frame.
I was bullied and teased in school for being "overweight" (I never really was, but kids are nasty). For as long as I can remember, my weight has always been in the normal range, but it sometimes strayed into the "overweight" range. It bothered me a little, especially when "well meaning" relatives made snide comments, compared me to my thinner, prettier sisters, or "offered help" - but overall, I was healthy, I was happy, and I didn't let it get to me.
A few months ago, I went to see my doctor, and explained, somewhat tearfully, what's been happening. The sudden weight gain, the frighteningly irregular menstrual cycles, the constant fatigue and tiredness, the depression - everything. She asked me detailed questions, took the time to clarify and understand things, and then recommended an ultrasound scan and a blood test. The ultrasound scan was to check for PCOS, or Polycycstic Ovary Syndrome, which causes a whole host of problems (including weight gain and infertility), and the blood test was to test my blood sugar levels and hormone levels.
The good news was that I had no PCOS, the bad news was that one of my fallopian tubes is very narrow. The blood test showed that my blood sugar and iron levels were low, and there were no issues with any of my hormones. I was told to take iron supplements.
A few weeks ago, I went in for another blood test, because in spite of everything I tried, I was still putting on weight, and am currently at the heaviest I have ever been in my life.
It bothered me. There were days when I was so depressed, I didn't want to get out of bed or talk to anyone. I didn't want to be in any pictures, and I never wanted to "talk about it". For the first time, I knew what it was like. To look in the mirror and hate what you see, to feel a desperate, panicky sense of helplessness, to feel like where ever you go, people are staring at you and judging you. People (even friends) say things like "oh, you have such a cute face...you'd look so much better if you lost weight" or "your husband is tall and skinny - you look like a ball next to him!" - more on this kind of body-shaming trend later.
I get it. I know how it feels, and I understand that there is nothing anyone can say or do that will help.
We found out that my thyroid levels are low. Not dangerously low, but lower than the 'normal' range. I have hypothyroidism. The doctor explained what it meant, and what the options were for treatment. She was honest, she was very matter-of-fact, and, knowing that I like to do my research, recommended papers and journal articles written on hypothyroidism and related subjects.
"Having children is going to be tough," she said, "Given your circumstances and medical history, I'd recommend that the sooner you start trying, the better your chances are".
She also said something incredible (for a doctor), 'off the record' - the treatment for hypothyroidism meant taking a hormone replacement tablet, and she found that while a lot of patients' thyroid levels improved, they also had the unpleasant side effects to deal with. She said that my thyroid levels weren't low enough to cause alarm yet, and suggested I try a different route for a couple of months before considering the drugs. She gave me a list of foods to avoid, some good advice, and a much-needed hug.
It was reassuring. I spent hours reading and talking to other women in similar situations. I promised myself that I would make a conscious effort to stop hating my body. It's not easy. There are days when the sheer force of the negativity takes my breath away. Hating my flatmate for her amazing metabolism (sorry, B, I love you), hating the happy, gorgeous women picking up their kids from the school nearby, hating the way my clothes fit, hating the way my hair falls...it's exhausting. In the past, my go-to solution was to repress everything until it got to a point where I couldn't ignore it, and then I would write about it. Now, however, every time a negative thought strays across my mind, I write it down immediately, and I deal with it.
I refuse to get sucked into that spiral of self-hatred and shame again.
I have to go back to the doctor at the end of January for more blood tests. Until then, I have a specific plan to follow, and a new life to plan (in a new country).
So what was the point of this post?
1. To help other people out there. You're not alone. I know what you're going through, I know how insensitive people can be with their "jokes" and offers to "help", and I know how tough it is. Nobody else understands, and that's okay.
2. To remind myself that it's going to be okay. I am so lucky to have found my doctor, I am so very lucky to be married to the most amazing, supportive man, and I'm strong enough to stop hating myself. I've reached a point in my life where every insecurity is being dealt with as it shows up (instead of being repressed, like in the past). I'm doing the right things, eating the right things in the right amounts, I've done my research, and, most importantly, I've talked to other people in my situation (or similar). The weight will drop off eventually.
3. To remind every woman and young girl to love herself. I will be a mother some day, and I want my children to love themselves. I want them to be happy, to accept their individual bodies for their uniqueness, to learn, from their mother, that there is beauty and perfection in every flaw. I want to promote a healthy body image for my future children and for my sisters. I want to have the courage to tell aforementioned "well meaning" relatives to keep their opinions and "advice" to themselves.
4. Most importantly, I want to remind people to stop fat-shaming (or body-shaming in general). Overweight and obese people know that they have the extra kilos. You're not being "helpful" or doing the whole "tough love" thing, you're just being a pathetic human being. Conversely, telling someone that they're "too skinny" is also not okay. Stop body-shaming. No exceptions. If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.
Over the past couple of months, I've put on a significant amount of weight.
Usually, weight gain results from one of two things (or a combination of both) - either you're eating too much, or not enough, or not the right kinds of foods, OR you're not getting enough exercise or the right kind of exercise.
That's where it got confusing.
My husband and I eat healthy, whole foods. We like our fresh fruits and vegetables, whole grains, lean meats and fish. We stay away from processed foods as much as possible. Both of us love cooking, and can spend hours in the kitchen making things "from scratch", so we are very aware of what we eat. We bake often, but everything we eat is portion-controlled. In addition, I do an hour of very tiring yoga everyday, religiously practise (Bharatanatyam - Indian classical) dance, and walk around the neighbourhood whenever I can (primarily to stalk the cats that live in this area, but you get the idea).
So I didn't know what I was doing wrong. I'm a tiny person - just under 5 feet - and naturally curvy, so even the smallest bit of weight gain shows on my frame.
I was bullied and teased in school for being "overweight" (I never really was, but kids are nasty). For as long as I can remember, my weight has always been in the normal range, but it sometimes strayed into the "overweight" range. It bothered me a little, especially when "well meaning" relatives made snide comments, compared me to my thinner, prettier sisters, or "offered help" - but overall, I was healthy, I was happy, and I didn't let it get to me.
A few months ago, I went to see my doctor, and explained, somewhat tearfully, what's been happening. The sudden weight gain, the frighteningly irregular menstrual cycles, the constant fatigue and tiredness, the depression - everything. She asked me detailed questions, took the time to clarify and understand things, and then recommended an ultrasound scan and a blood test. The ultrasound scan was to check for PCOS, or Polycycstic Ovary Syndrome, which causes a whole host of problems (including weight gain and infertility), and the blood test was to test my blood sugar levels and hormone levels.
The good news was that I had no PCOS, the bad news was that one of my fallopian tubes is very narrow. The blood test showed that my blood sugar and iron levels were low, and there were no issues with any of my hormones. I was told to take iron supplements.
A few weeks ago, I went in for another blood test, because in spite of everything I tried, I was still putting on weight, and am currently at the heaviest I have ever been in my life.
It bothered me. There were days when I was so depressed, I didn't want to get out of bed or talk to anyone. I didn't want to be in any pictures, and I never wanted to "talk about it". For the first time, I knew what it was like. To look in the mirror and hate what you see, to feel a desperate, panicky sense of helplessness, to feel like where ever you go, people are staring at you and judging you. People (even friends) say things like "oh, you have such a cute face...you'd look so much better if you lost weight" or "your husband is tall and skinny - you look like a ball next to him!" - more on this kind of body-shaming trend later.
I get it. I know how it feels, and I understand that there is nothing anyone can say or do that will help.
We found out that my thyroid levels are low. Not dangerously low, but lower than the 'normal' range. I have hypothyroidism. The doctor explained what it meant, and what the options were for treatment. She was honest, she was very matter-of-fact, and, knowing that I like to do my research, recommended papers and journal articles written on hypothyroidism and related subjects.
"Having children is going to be tough," she said, "Given your circumstances and medical history, I'd recommend that the sooner you start trying, the better your chances are".
She also said something incredible (for a doctor), 'off the record' - the treatment for hypothyroidism meant taking a hormone replacement tablet, and she found that while a lot of patients' thyroid levels improved, they also had the unpleasant side effects to deal with. She said that my thyroid levels weren't low enough to cause alarm yet, and suggested I try a different route for a couple of months before considering the drugs. She gave me a list of foods to avoid, some good advice, and a much-needed hug.
It was reassuring. I spent hours reading and talking to other women in similar situations. I promised myself that I would make a conscious effort to stop hating my body. It's not easy. There are days when the sheer force of the negativity takes my breath away. Hating my flatmate for her amazing metabolism (sorry, B, I love you), hating the happy, gorgeous women picking up their kids from the school nearby, hating the way my clothes fit, hating the way my hair falls...it's exhausting. In the past, my go-to solution was to repress everything until it got to a point where I couldn't ignore it, and then I would write about it. Now, however, every time a negative thought strays across my mind, I write it down immediately, and I deal with it.
I refuse to get sucked into that spiral of self-hatred and shame again.
I have to go back to the doctor at the end of January for more blood tests. Until then, I have a specific plan to follow, and a new life to plan (in a new country).
So what was the point of this post?
1. To help other people out there. You're not alone. I know what you're going through, I know how insensitive people can be with their "jokes" and offers to "help", and I know how tough it is. Nobody else understands, and that's okay.
2. To remind myself that it's going to be okay. I am so lucky to have found my doctor, I am so very lucky to be married to the most amazing, supportive man, and I'm strong enough to stop hating myself. I've reached a point in my life where every insecurity is being dealt with as it shows up (instead of being repressed, like in the past). I'm doing the right things, eating the right things in the right amounts, I've done my research, and, most importantly, I've talked to other people in my situation (or similar). The weight will drop off eventually.
3. To remind every woman and young girl to love herself. I will be a mother some day, and I want my children to love themselves. I want them to be happy, to accept their individual bodies for their uniqueness, to learn, from their mother, that there is beauty and perfection in every flaw. I want to promote a healthy body image for my future children and for my sisters. I want to have the courage to tell aforementioned "well meaning" relatives to keep their opinions and "advice" to themselves.
4. Most importantly, I want to remind people to stop fat-shaming (or body-shaming in general). Overweight and obese people know that they have the extra kilos. You're not being "helpful" or doing the whole "tough love" thing, you're just being a pathetic human being. Conversely, telling someone that they're "too skinny" is also not okay. Stop body-shaming. No exceptions. If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.
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